Ed Embraces The Migrants

It seems to me that we’re missing a trick with AI and migration, Ed confides to his diary.

Cheap labour has been the key to countries’ economic success for centuries – we led the world in industrialisation in the 19th century by migrating workers from the country to the towns and the USA followed suit in taking in migrants from all over the world.

Now we’re taking too long to process would-be migrants, we’re making ourselves look increasingly unwelcoming to migrants and we’re massively short of cheap labour.

I proposed at this week’s Cabinet that we install AI-equipped interviewing booths at suitable centres in countries from where most of our migrants come to accelerate the ludicrously slow Home Office procedure for approving applications.

The Home Secretary objected of course but was very much in the minority round the Cabinet table as I explained my strategy for importing cheap labour while encouraging investment in businesses which will benefit from cheap labour to substantially improve UK productivity.

Clearly, assembling EVs, building houses, installing fibre for broadband, building mobile telecom infrastructure, road repairs, distributing goods, running ports, railways, garages, hospitality outlets, retail outlets, construction sites, airports, hospitals and security agencies will all be done more profitably if the cost of labour is lower.

With the PM’s backing I get the Treasury to subsidise the wages of these migrants and the capital investment incentives of those who will employ them.

I get Greaser on the burner blower.

“What could you do up there with a few tens of thousands of migrants on subsidised wages supported by investment grants for their employers?”

“What could we not do?” responds Greaser, “ we could build EVs and houses, install fibre for broadband, build mobile telecom infrastructure, repair the roads, beef up distribution, properly staff the ports, railways, garages, hospitality outlets, retail outlets, construction sites, airports and hospitals.”

“Prepare for an influx,” I tell him “and ten per cent of the subsidised wage bill comes my way.”

“Don’t be greedy, Ed – two per cent.”

“Five.”

“OK.”